The Summer Holidays when living with Autism.
To go with the beautiful weather we’ve been having here in the UK in the last few weeks comes the school summer holidays too. Now I know what some of you are thinking and it goes a bit like… “Aaarrrggghhh No, what am I going to do for the next 6 weeks / How am I going to keep my child happy out of the routine of school / Where can we go that isn’t full of people, is safe and secure for my ‘runner’, is not a sensory overload from the noise of other children… “ and the list could go on.
I understand. I’ve been there too and the thought of the next 6 weeks could be enough to throw the whole family into a state of fear and dread. But you know it really doesn’t have to be that way.
Tommy is 8 now and the last 4 years of summer holidays from school I have been in exactly that state of mind, and to be completely honest it does come back into my thoughts quite frequently now as we enter this one. However, I have made a commitment to myself, to Tommy and to the family that I will embrace these school holidays and take the gift of this time I have been given to spend with him and make it count.
So does that change everything? Does just thinking ‘it will be great’ instead of ‘it will be awful’ change anything at all?
In my experience of times when I have made that shift in my thoughts and beliefs in other areas of my life, yes it does make all the difference. It doesn’t necessarily change the options you have about what to do or where to go (although it can help as I will explain later), but it does create an expectation of how things will be and that naturally sets us up for better things to come into our lives (and our school holidays!).
Put it this way. Have you ever thought that something is going to be dreadful and it turns out just as you expected? Have you ever thought (and truly believed) that something is going to be fun and fabulous, and it turns out just as you expected? It happens all the time and it is a natural law of nature that we will attract the things that we are thinking about the most in terms of how things are going to turn out. Some people call this a ‘self- fulfilling prophecy’ and it works like this:
When we think negative thoughts or have negative beliefs about how things are, it creates negative expectations in our mind. These in turn influence our behaviour and we do things that are self-defeating because the part of us called our ‘ego’ wants to be ‘right’ more than anything else. When we go around with self-defeating behaviour we end up getting a poor outcome or result, and you know what? We end up being right about our expectations and our beliefs that it was going to be awful.
Now think about it this way. When we think positive thoughts or have positive beliefs about how things are, it creates positive expectations in our mind. These in turn influence our behaviour and we do things that are self-motivating which in turn results in a great outcome. Again, we end up being right about our expectations and beliefs about the situation.
So tell me. Which would you choose?
Is it really as simple as that? Yes it is that simple, but not necessarily that easy. We are creatures of habit as the saying goes and it is very true. Our lives are governed by the habits we’ve created for ourselves and if one of those habits is negative thinking then this can cause all sorts of problems in all areas of our lives. This can be cured though! All it takes is 21 days of consistent action to form a new habit (and I’ve just thought of another blog post which I will write soon on this very thing). In a nutshell though it’s about practice and re-training (or un-learning).
So back to the thought of the summer holidays and the next 6 weeks before the next school year begins again. I have a choice to make, as do you.
I cannot change the fact that Tommy is now off school for 6 weeks and it is totally down to me to plan this time out. I cannot change the fact that most places where children can go to play, be entertained and use up their energy are not appropriate for him which makes our choices more restricted. What I can choose though is my thinking about it and how we can begin the holidays with a positive expectation which will make the time more enjoyable. Plus, positive thinking comes with a great bonus too. When we expect great things to happen, places to go, things to do, invites and opportunities to spend the time will come to us out of the blue.
So go with the flow. Have a great expectation that the next 6 weeks will be full of fun and fab times. Enjoy your summer.
With love and gratitude
Nadine.