My life is definitely not how I had it all planned out when I was a child. Okay, I have a lovely husband, a gorgeous son, we live in South Wales and have a pretty decent home, and that’s as close as its gets to the dream I had when I was growing up. That’s because I didn’t account for Autism.
Now I’m not saying my life is not as good as the one I had dreamed of, nor any better. It’s just different. In fact the more I think about the things I wanted to be, have and do, it really did need something like Autism to come along and make me into the person I needed to be to get there. Yep, I guess I am going to have to say ‘Thank you Autism’ for making me the person I am today and for helping me grow into the person I will need to be in the future too.
Let me explain. I just wanted to help people. I followed the usual pattern for someone who did pretty well at school (I was just lucky to be the person ‘type’ that does ok in the ‘sausage machine’ approach of an education system we have – more of that later!), and followed that by a few years getting my degree. I went to work in London for a big corporate and life did seem to be going to plan; good job and having fun. It wasn’t long though before I got quite disheartened by the fact that all the long hours, hard work and stress I put myself under as an employee was all in the interests of ‘shareholders’. Yes the ultimate purpose for doing what I did was so that the shareholders could get more cash at the end of the year when dividends were handed out. Ok the company I worked for did provide a service to people, but the big aim was to make a profit. Now I know that’s how business works… but I didn’t like it one bit.
I just wanted to help people. I had big dreams of making a difference in this world, doing good and being known for having done something that helped many people and countless lives. We all have a need for significance and I wanted to be ‘famous’ for helping others.
After leaving corporate employment, and via other business ventures, I moved back home to Wales to have my son Tommy in 2004. All those dreams I had to really make a difference I thought were packed away, and that I’d had my chance to help others before having a family. Then Autism came along. Funny how life creates opportunities for you that you really didn’t expect to show up in the way they do.
In the early years after Tommy’s diagnosis at 2, I really didn’t connect the old dreams with my new life. It was just too raw back then trying to deal with what life had thrown at us. The dark days felt like I was living a nightmare and in the better days I was only just able to come up for air so to speak. However, all through that time I knew that life wasn’t chucking stuff at me without also giving me a helping hand to cope too, and with my background in personal development I knew I was growing stronger, becoming more resilient and being prepared to help others on the same journey too one day.
Tommy is now 8 so we’ve had a few years in this autism world already, and there is a longer journey ahead. In the past couple of years I’ve dived back into my coaching and NLP training to find the tools to help me and my family live with it every day. I’ve battled with depression on the journey and been to what I felt was the lowest and darkest places in my mind. I have also felt the incredible highs too when Tommy just gives us back everything with just a smile.
Autism has given me that chance to help people and make a difference. The trainee years were tough, and some days still are. Yet knowing that some days will be better than others, some will stink and some will be great, still allows me to absolutely live and love my life the way it is right now.
I don’t buy into the false idea that life’s only working for us when we’re happy and positive. It’s about learning to dance in the rain and be ok with every day and whatever weather it brings.
This blog starts today on 1st April 2013 and will continue every day throughout Autism Awareness Month. I will share all I know about how to live and love your life with Autism in your family, in the hope that I can reach out and help you do the same.
With love and gratitude,
Nadine.