“Life is not how it is – it’s how we perceive it…

A personal disaster to one person is a priceless lesson to another.” This is from another of my great mentors in life, Richard Wilkins. It’s true. Change your perceptions and you change your life.

Greg Anderson also said “The perfect no-stress environment is the grave. When we change our perception we gain control. The stress becomes a challenge, not a threat. When we commit to action, to actually doing something rather than feeling trapped by events, the stress in our life becomes manageable”

Understanding this has been a revelation for me.

I was interviewed a couple of years ago on Red Dragon Radio and asked why we weren’t we any happier now than we were in 1971. Apparently, statistics show that we are healthier and live longer. But no happier. “So why is that?” I was asked

My initial response was that we are about as happy as we make up our minds to be. But then realising this wasn’t going to fill the two-minute slot, I expanded.

We all have basic needs and once these are met we seek ways to become further fulfilled in life. Think of a hierarchy where at the bottom are our basic needs such as food, shelter and water. Once we have satisfied those needs we move on to wanting greater things. We move up the hierarchy where other needs are required to fulfil us and make us happy, such as relationships, family, friends, home, cars; and we each have our own version of what’s important to us. As we continue to move up the hierarchy and meet those needs we continue to seek more and more, and so happiness and fulfilment seems as if they are always just one step away.

But what happens when some of our needs further down the hierarchy are challenged? We may lose our job, our home, or find that we can’t put food on the table. All of a sudden what it takes to be happy is now satisfied at a much lower level than before, until of course we get back on the cycle of wanting more and more again. Our perception of what it takes to be happy is constantly changing, and it seems the more we chase it, the more we make it something that is always just out of reach.

So what’s at the top of our hierarchy? Where does it end and when will we be happy?

At some point in our lives we come to the realisation that we are chasing happiness away, and just by standing still for a moment and appreciating all that we have, we begin to realise that we already have all we need to be happy, and that we had it all along.

Yes, the nice home, cars and holidays all contribute to our happiness, but they cannot make you happy unless you are in some way happy first.

Our happiness has a direct connection with our expectations. When we expect either positive or negative things to happen we switch on our ‘radar’ to seek out those things that support our expectations. We change our behaviour based on what we expect so we either display self-defeating or self-motivating behaviour. Then, as a direct result of our behaviour, we get the results we seek.

When happiness is expected we essentially ‘filter-in’ to our lives the things that will support our happiness, and ‘filter-out’ those things that don’t.

You can decide to be happy right now. If you have ever been happy before you know what it looks and feels like so you can choose to get into that “space” right now and feel it again. Sound impossible? Just trying standing up, reaching high into the sky, putting a big smile on your face and shouting YES as if you really mean it. But this only works if you choose it to work. It’s your decision entirely.

If we live in the present instead of in the past or the future, we can be as happy as we make up our minds to be.

Ingrid Bergman said “Success is getting what you want, Happiness is wanting what you get”

With love and gratitude

Nadine.