Feeling rather overwhelmed today and a bit stuck in a low feeling of helplessness.

That does happen from time to time and I know it doesn’t usually last long these days. There was a time it lasted for days and weeks, now it’s just a few hours and by lunchtime all will be ok with the world.

Instead of fighting against it (as I know that fighting anything just gives the thing you don’t want more energy) I am just going with the flow and letting it be. It will soon flow out if my life as quickly as it flowed in. Surrendering to ‘what is’ can be a powerful tool to help it go on its merry way. ‘Surrender’ has been given such a bad image that we think it’s a sign of weakness yet it can be quite the opposite.

I’m feeling a little overwhelmed as I am thinking of what there is to do, and the list is long. As I look around I can see piles of washing to be put away and piles to be washed. Dishes that need loading into the dishwasher but it’s full and needs emptying. I know I need to get my blog done this morning, a presentation finalised and sent off, a number of phone calls to make and that’s just for this morning.

I know I am not alone in this and probably every parent has experienced this feeling of overwhelm when there is so much to do in your head and you just want to get on with it. Then comes along your child wanting your attention too and of course you give it. With our special children there is also that added dimension of having to have that extra bit of patience and take the time to really focus on them to understand what they are communicating and what they need.

Overwhelm comes from a place where there is too much variety in our life at any one time. A typical example is when there is too much choice and we have to make one. The opposite is when there is certainty in our life, when we know exactly what to expect, the routine is the same and there is little risk of things changing the status quo.

Life usually happens between the two extremes of ‘certainty’ and ‘variety’ and this is something I learnt from the great Tony Robbins as being two of the six basic human needs we all have. The need for certainty on the one hand can be when we know we have a roof over our heads, somewhere to sleep, food to eat, money in our bank account, and for some of our children this extends to knowing that what we are doing today won’t change from our usual routine or our expectations.

On the other hand we also have a need for variety and some spontaneity in our life, a need to change something, refresh our energies and get us motivated. This is often where our children struggle and need help and support to make the transition when a change is necessary.

The extreme end of certainty leads to boredom, and the extreme end of variety leads to overwhelm. We all have a preference where we feel comfortable being on this line between the two and during each day we can move to either side of that spot. We can move either towards more certainty (for example when we are at risk of losing some income we do what we need to get some certainty back around money) or we move towards variety (for example when we are bored or when we take risks to reach a goal we desire).

Our children have these same basic human needs and are more comfortable towards the certainty end of that scale which is generally different from the majority who settle somewhere in the middle. There are also people that live on the other end too where they just can’t seem to settle in any relationship, job or home as they thrive on the need for change. Wherever we feel comfortable on this scale is neither right or wrong, it’s just our personal disposition.

Anyway, coming back to my feelings of overwhelm this morning just allows me to get a little experience of what it can be like for our children who live with this overwhelm more of the time. I can feel the frustration and being very uncomfortable with all the thoughts of change and things piling up to deal with in my head. Yet I thank it for giving me the insight and for helping me to find the strategies to take me back to where I feel more balanced.

There, I feel better already.

With love and gratitude

Nadine.