“Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got
Till it’s gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot”

For those that remember the 70’s this is from Joni Mitchell’s “Big Yellow Taxi” first released in 1970, and has been covered many times since. I heard it yesterday on the radio and it’s been repeating in my head ever since, and this morning when I woke.

I managed to get in the garden yesterday for a time when the Sun was temporarily shining and it struck me how lucky I was to be able to spend time with people I love, doing what I love and in a place that I love. Then I reflected for a while on what it was I was dreaming of for my life and what did I always want to be, do and have. Then I realised, this is actually pretty close.

I don’t have all the things that are on the dream list and I haven’t achieved all the goals I feel passionate about either, in fact life is throwing us a few challenges right now. However by sitting back and appreciating the things I do have I found myself feeling very grateful with my lot, and that led to a huge smile for the rest of the day.

As a general rule, I think we tend to focus too easily on the things that we don’t have, or aren’t quite right in our lives instead of appreciating the things we do have and be grateful for them. As Joni Mitchell put it “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” and then it really is too late to appreciate it.

This really put into perspective the 8 years we’ve had with Tommy so far. With his autism and learning disabilities he has been assessed as having a developmental age of around 2-3. We don’t have the “they grow up so quickly don’t they” conversations and it often seems as life is on pause and we have no urgency to “make the most of it”. Yet I know he is growing older and like with other children these years do go by so quickly. So that got me thinking about really appreciating this time together.
.
This quote is another favourite of mine: “One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon, instead of enjoying the roses blooming outside our windows today” Dale Carnegie

We all do it. We all have times that we wish things were different than they are, whether it’s more of this or less of that we tend to focus on what life will be like in the future, instead of living in the present and enjoying it for what it is. We say stuff to ourselves like “When I get that new car / job / house / partner I will be happy” And if we are not living in the future, we think about how much better things were in the past… “If only I could fit into those jeans I used to wear” Sounding familar?

At what point did we start doing this? What is so awful about right here and now that we don’t want to be present with it? Why are we so eager to get to a future point in time when “things will be better”?

I believe in having goals, a focus and life purpose, however enjoying the journey getting there is as important as the ‘dream’ itself.

I also know it’s hard when you have a child with autism, and ‘enjoying’ life where you are right now and appreciating the present can be a tough ask. If you really feel you are not in a good place and at rock bottom ‘in the gutter’ so to speak, then the only way you can look is UP. In any situation you find yourself in though there will be things to be grateful for if you take time to look. What 10 things can I appreciate right now? What am I taking for granted? What do I need to acknowledge and celebrate in my life?

In the book ‘The Secret’, Dr Joe Vitale says “as soon as you start to feel different about what you already have, you will start to attract more of the good things. More of the things that you can be grateful for. You could look around and say that you don’t have the car you want, the house you want or the health you want, but back up – those are things you don’t want. Focus on what you already have that you’re grateful for, and it might be the clothes you have. Yes you might prefer something else and you might get something else pretty soon, if you start feeling grateful for what you have”

For some this comes easier than for others, but only because it’s a learnt behaviour. To get into the habit of being grateful and celebrating life more I found a simple first step was to say “thank you” every morning as I woke. As I walked to the bathroom, I kept saying thank you for ‘x’, thank you for ‘y’, and while I was brushing my teeth I remembered some of the things on my gratitude list (I even had it laminated and stuck it in the shower!).

As Oprah put it “The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate”

With love and gratitude

Nadine.