It was one of those nights when you have a child with autism. There are a number of different types of nights including those when your child just won’t get to sleep until 1am; those when you are woken at 1.30am and that’s it, sleeping is over; those when you wake yourself at 3am with worried thoughts that just keep repeating themselves; and others that give you an amount of decent sleep, well six hours anyway.

Last night I woke myself with worried thoughts. I am not a typical worrier as I put an awful lot of trust in the Universe and faith that all will work out just fine. I have no religion that I follow, I just believe in the power of positive conscious thought, love and compassion. That doesn’t make me immune from less than positive thoughts especially when it comes to the future and what it holds for us and Tommy.

This morning however I feel more than my usual gratitude for the day. Being thankful for whatever we have and focussing on the ‘now’ is a gift that Tommy has given me. I don’t feel he has any concept of yesterday or tomorrow. At least not right now. All that is important to him is today and this moment.  He knows how to do this so well too and I admire this about him.

I have lived a lot of my life in the past or in the future. Either thinking of things that have happened in the past and still letting them influence me, or thinking about the future and the different scenarios that could occur. Neither of these places are a great place to live for too long. It can have a negative effect on your feelings, which in turn get you into those spiralling negative thoughts, and before you know it you are feeling pretty low and useless.  But more importantly, it robs you of the very moment you are living now.

My thoughts last night were as a result of some news I had yesterday and this woke me and my thoughts were creating all kinds of possible outcomes for the future. I know from past experience that this isn’t helpful so I was able to let them go and replace them with a knowing trust that whatever the situation, it will be ok.  On waking properly this morning I was just thankful to have been able to get back to sleep and those thoughts were gone.

As I spend more time being consciously aware of the present day and moment, all fearful and worrying thoughts are put aside. It allows me to fully concentrate on living today with Tommy and whoever else I am with and be thankful for what we have. At any moment you can stop and just realise that this moment isn’t all that bad. In fact it’s ok.  Actually if I smile right now this moment could feel quite good.

We get so caught up in our thoughts that we live in our heads most of the time, and our mind takes us on a merry dance creating all kinds of ideas and situations about what could be. It leads us to think about what isn’t quite the way we want it to be and how it would be better if something were different.  Focussing on what we haven’t got or what we want that’s different  just places you back in the future again and robbing you of your life right now at this very moment.

Stop.  Be Still.  Think about now.  Smile.

I love the quote “Today is a gift, that’s why it is called the present”

 

With love and gratitude,

Nadine.